• Taj McCoy

Closure

Updated: Apr 1, 2019

Sometimes you just don’t get it.  There’s no warning, there’s no explanation… Seemingly, there’s no reason.  And it hurts.  You feel rejected, you question everything that transpired, and you wonder what it is that you did wrong.  You’re assuming it was you.

If you can relate to what I’ve just said, I’m here to tell you that you can do everything right and sometimes it’s just not going to work.  I’m saying this from experience.  You can love, give, try, work at it, everything — but it still takes two.  That darn free will element.  But that free will portion is so clutch.

It’s easy to say hey, I’m a good woman.  I cook, I love sports, I play video games, I’m intelligent, I’m funny, I’m sweet, and I don’t need to be up under him all the damn time.  I have a life and my own friends, and I intend to keep them.  He compliments me, he doesn’t complete me.  He says he loves me, and I haven’t given him a reason to stop, so logic follows that he should just keep loving me.  Stop right there — that last statement is flawed.

I hate to compare love to a job, but maybe it’s not such a bad analogy.  A relationship is like at-will employment.  You can be fired without cause; meaning, you don’t have to do something wrong to be dumped.  Whether it’s timing, he decides he’s not ready, a lack of chemistry, a loss of chemistry, dishonesty, or whatever the case, you may not have done something wrong.  And, still, you’re now seeking closure for the end of a relationship.

But think about it:  you’d rather KNOW that someone wants to be with you, rather than feels like they HAVE to stay with you, right?  It makes a difference. Knowing that someone chooses to spend time with you over someone else, chooses to treat you with love and respect, makes you a priority… Doesn’t that feel better than someone who is just with you for now, biding their time until something they perceive as better comes along?  Or better yet, someone who is with you for that one thing only?

It’s so easy to overanalyze every single event, thought, expression, conversation… But it’s pointless.  If it’s over, give yourself the time and space you need to accept that.  Whether you ever get that explanation you’re hoping for, you’ll find closure.  It’s really about getting back to the place where you can accept that you are enough.  With or without someone else.

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